3.18.2008
Appreciation for "Nichole" is hard sometimes. As I am sitting here in my cell at Coffee Creek. I am in prison. Not my first time but my second. Sometimes I am mad, angry, sad, crying to go home. This place isn't scary for me. In fact a lot of people like having me around. I am funny, I act silly, I am positive, wise...I am young but I know I don't know it all, I am respectful, loyal, very honest, smart. I am a really good person. I make mistakes. Sometime I really mess up. But I am human. I own my mistakes wholly and to the fullest. Remembering that I am not a horrible person because I am here. I just need to use this physical prison to break free from the prison of addiction and crime. To break down the barriers I've placed myself within. I am capable of so much more than I can imagine. I will succeed in life. I will get my education, own my salon. I will work my recovery. I will be a great daughter, mother, sister, friend, wife. I am growing inside to its fullest. I am ready to embrace love to its fullest.
Thank you to everyone in my life...Anakha, Timmy, Gene, David, Crystal, Jimmy, Pam, Bill and Keanau and to those I don't know...but I can feel the love and support. Thank you. I love you.
Nichole
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Pause...3-5 Minutes is All it Takes!
For most people in this world...we worry about a million things a day. Places to go, people to see, things to do. Life is a constant exercise. But stop. Stop thinking for let's say 3-5 minutes about where you are going and when you will leave. Stop and breathe. Be in the present. For me. I got all the time in the world right now. In fact, I have nothing but time. And still I find it's hard to take a break for 3-5 minutes to get centered. But really, 3-5 minutes isn't that long...and it's long enough to get you regrounded.
Just a nugget of wisdom for the day ;-).
Love, Nichole
Just a nugget of wisdom for the day ;-).
Love, Nichole
Facing My Fears
3.15.2008
I've spent some years now running away from my fears. Sitting here alone in a cell, I am asking myself...what is it I fear? What am I running from? Is it being scared of my addiction to meth? No, wait, what came before the meth? Sacred of the "good life?" No before that...failure? No before that...confusion, lost in my own mind, wondering, questioning...wanting to dwell on my mistakes and decisions of my past that led me to be sitting in this cell asking myself...what do I fear?
I fear my recovery, my life, the unknown, success, freedom, choice, decision.
A quote I read by Hyemeyohsts Storm said, "One has to face fear or forever run from it."
Reading that today was a powerful experience for me. Telling me I need to face my fears...Okay, so I know that. But the second part..."or forever run from it." I am not willing to do that anymore. I am choosing today to face my fears.
I'll end with another quote by Wing Yang Ming...
"To know and yet not do, is in fact not to know."
What is your excuse? What do you know? What do you fear? What do you need to face?
Love,
Nichole
I've spent some years now running away from my fears. Sitting here alone in a cell, I am asking myself...what is it I fear? What am I running from? Is it being scared of my addiction to meth? No, wait, what came before the meth? Sacred of the "good life?" No before that...failure? No before that...confusion, lost in my own mind, wondering, questioning...wanting to dwell on my mistakes and decisions of my past that led me to be sitting in this cell asking myself...what do I fear?
I fear my recovery, my life, the unknown, success, freedom, choice, decision.
A quote I read by Hyemeyohsts Storm said, "One has to face fear or forever run from it."
Reading that today was a powerful experience for me. Telling me I need to face my fears...Okay, so I know that. But the second part..."or forever run from it." I am not willing to do that anymore. I am choosing today to face my fears.
I'll end with another quote by Wing Yang Ming...
"To know and yet not do, is in fact not to know."
What is your excuse? What do you know? What do you fear? What do you need to face?
Love,
Nichole
Monday, March 17, 2008
Letter to David
Nicole sent me this letter a couple of weeks ago. It shows a lot of what she's learning and experiencing, so I thought I'd post it here.
David,
Hello. How is your day going? Nothing but great I hope. As for me, I'm doing good. I'm feeling good about myself today. I just got done telling Anakha how I'm so energetic lately, I'm bouncing off the walls :)
Thank you so much for sharing your blogs with me. It's helped me in so many ways. Your blog titled "Love and Forgiveness": thank you for speaking kind, loving words about me. As I've told you, receiving the better/positive things are also hard for myself, especially when we've made poor choices.
I related to the forgiveness of parents. So much, almost everything you wrote I could find myself. I've even used some as a journaling guide. Oh, and I loved the one "Ask for what you need." I did a journal entry on that. Asking is a new thing for me.
I'm learning to trust, day after day. To trust. I do the same. "Immediately, I begin to question it: ask who? What? When? Where? How?" I'm happy to know I'm not the only one that does that and is learning to trust.
I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing, loving, and supporting me through this, David.
Love always,
Nicole
David,
Hello. How is your day going? Nothing but great I hope. As for me, I'm doing good. I'm feeling good about myself today. I just got done telling Anakha how I'm so energetic lately, I'm bouncing off the walls :)
Thank you so much for sharing your blogs with me. It's helped me in so many ways. Your blog titled "Love and Forgiveness": thank you for speaking kind, loving words about me. As I've told you, receiving the better/positive things are also hard for myself, especially when we've made poor choices.
I related to the forgiveness of parents. So much, almost everything you wrote I could find myself. I've even used some as a journaling guide. Oh, and I loved the one "Ask for what you need." I did a journal entry on that. Asking is a new thing for me.
I'm learning to trust, day after day. To trust. I do the same. "Immediately, I begin to question it: ask who? What? When? Where? How?" I'm happy to know I'm not the only one that does that and is learning to trust.
I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing, loving, and supporting me through this, David.
Love always,
Nicole
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Wanting to be held...
March 1, 2008
I've been struggling the past few days, mentally, emotionally and physically. I've wanted to go home. I've wanted to get a hug. To have my hair played with. Lay on a comfortable bed with tons of pillows. To be held by loving arms. Wanting someone to catch my tears. This place (prison) can be so cold and lonely.
I called home and talked with Anakha. I really needed to cry. I didn't care what others thought. I am not ashamed to feel my feelings. I am human and I am hurting. I am also learning to love "Nichole." Sometimes I don't know what to do about all these feelings. I broke down the other day. Tears pouring. My face broken out. My stomach in so many knots I felt sick. I found out others are going through some or most of those things with me. Crazy how we all are connected.
Everyday I am constantly struggling to stay in "The Present Moment." It's really hard out there, but even in here its a struggle.
Tonight in church the pastor said when we have problems that are out of our control...to put them on a 3X5 card and give it to God. Give it to the Divine. I am always trying to fix everything and everyone, but I can't. So today I am reminded to let go and let God.
Its just helping me to focus on the here and now and not future trip or dwell on my past. The pastor said the only bad part about that list on that 3X5 card is finding the card after you give it to God. Hee hee. ;-)
All love,
Nichole
I've been struggling the past few days, mentally, emotionally and physically. I've wanted to go home. I've wanted to get a hug. To have my hair played with. Lay on a comfortable bed with tons of pillows. To be held by loving arms. Wanting someone to catch my tears. This place (prison) can be so cold and lonely.
I called home and talked with Anakha. I really needed to cry. I didn't care what others thought. I am not ashamed to feel my feelings. I am human and I am hurting. I am also learning to love "Nichole." Sometimes I don't know what to do about all these feelings. I broke down the other day. Tears pouring. My face broken out. My stomach in so many knots I felt sick. I found out others are going through some or most of those things with me. Crazy how we all are connected.
Everyday I am constantly struggling to stay in "The Present Moment." It's really hard out there, but even in here its a struggle.
Tonight in church the pastor said when we have problems that are out of our control...to put them on a 3X5 card and give it to God. Give it to the Divine. I am always trying to fix everything and everyone, but I can't. So today I am reminded to let go and let God.
Its just helping me to focus on the here and now and not future trip or dwell on my past. The pastor said the only bad part about that list on that 3X5 card is finding the card after you give it to God. Hee hee. ;-)
All love,
Nichole
Monday, March 3, 2008
Nichole's 24th Birthday
Happy Birthday Nichole!
May this 24th year bring you into deep awareness and intimate relationship with your essence, your true Self...with life, with love, with God and community. May the Divine fill you with courage, clarity and confidence as you move forward with purpose and passion. You are loved by your community and we thank you for waking us up!
Onward, inward, upward, outward!
With Love,
The Love Project Community
P.S. It is not too late to send Nichole a card, a book or put money on her account! See directions to the right for information.
May this 24th year bring you into deep awareness and intimate relationship with your essence, your true Self...with life, with love, with God and community. May the Divine fill you with courage, clarity and confidence as you move forward with purpose and passion. You are loved by your community and we thank you for waking us up!
Onward, inward, upward, outward!
With Love,
The Love Project Community
P.S. It is not too late to send Nichole a card, a book or put money on her account! See directions to the right for information.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
