3.15.2008
I've spent some years now running away from my fears. Sitting here alone in a cell, I am asking myself...what is it I fear? What am I running from? Is it being scared of my addiction to meth? No, wait, what came before the meth? Sacred of the "good life?" No before that...failure? No before that...confusion, lost in my own mind, wondering, questioning...wanting to dwell on my mistakes and decisions of my past that led me to be sitting in this cell asking myself...what do I fear?
I fear my recovery, my life, the unknown, success, freedom, choice, decision.
A quote I read by Hyemeyohsts Storm said, "One has to face fear or forever run from it."
Reading that today was a powerful experience for me. Telling me I need to face my fears...Okay, so I know that. But the second part..."or forever run from it." I am not willing to do that anymore. I am choosing today to face my fears.
I'll end with another quote by Wing Yang Ming...
"To know and yet not do, is in fact not to know."
What is your excuse? What do you know? What do you fear? What do you need to face?
Love,
Nichole
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